


can't have you

by twotones



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Mild Smut, Sad, i am crying while typing this, johnny ceo, johnten, ten secretary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 19:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15031304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twotones/pseuds/twotones
Summary: Ten is the personal secretary of the young and married CEO, Johnny Seo. Late night coffees turned into moments in the sheets and casual talks turned into something more intimate. Ten just wanted some love but Johnny doesn’t think that way.





	can't have you

* * *

 

“One iced coffee, please.” 

Ten smiled at the cashier as he handed out his payment. He patiently waited for it until he got the coffee in his hand, making him able to walk his way to the office. 

 

It’s the usual routine for him. He’ll go to work an hour earlier than his boss, order his usual iced coffee, and call him once he reached the office. 

He fished out for his phone in his pocket once he reached his workplace to call his boss but the call directed him to the voicemail just like what he expected.  
  


“Good morning, sir. I’m already here at the office. The coffee is placed on your table like the usual.”   
  


Settling down into his seat, he knows that it’s probably going to be another long day again. He is going to be bombarded by the amount of emails and paperworks again since there’s going to be a huge business meeting with some business partners of the company.

In the middle of answering some emails, he was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. He looked at the person who just entered and found his boss, entering the office earlier than he expected.   
  


He stood up from his seat and bowed down as a greeting, “Good morning, sir.”

“Oh,” Johnny smiled softly, “Good morning, Ten.”  
  


The day went completely normal and the both of them are busy doing their own set of work.   
  


Johnny, being the strict kind of boss, doesn’t talk to his personal secretary often unless it’s something important. Ten got used to it already. Before he entered the job, he researched some information about Johnny.   
  
He found out that Johnny Seo is already married but having no child at the moment. He doesn’t have any idea who is his wife. He wants to ask but he doesn’t want to invade his privacy. 

Johnny Seo is the type of boss who has this intimidating look but he is actually nice when you talk to him, he is always calm but he really isn’t the type of person who talks a lot. 

 

 

The clock hits 11 PM and it’s actually pretty late than the usual time that Ten got off from work. But just the usual protocol, he cannot go home unless his boss go home first. 

He lets out a deep sigh as he stretched his body, tilting his head from left to right as he tried to relax himself. He is already drained from running paperworks and other errands back and then. 

The door of Johnny’s office opened making him sit up straight and fix his coat. Johnny looked at him with raised brows and chuckled when he found him fixing himself after yawning and stretching.   
 

“I'm sorry for going out so late. Got some calls from business partners tonight, that’s why.” 

Ten shook his head, “Ah, no! It’s alright, sir. I understand so no need to apologise.” 

  
“Want to grab some coffee? My treat.”   
  


Ten was stunned for a second, this is the first time that his boss asked him to grab a coffee with him. They actually never have had any casual conversations. This is a first. 

Ten cleared his throat and nodded his head, “Sure. That sounds lovely.” 

 

  

That explains why they are currently in a coffee shop near their company building, the coffee shop where Ten always buy iced coffee for his boss, and the coffee shop that sells his all time favourite cinnamon roll.   
  


“Thanks for this, Si-“   
  
“Johnny,” Johnny interrupted, “Call me Johnny whenever we’re out of the office.” 

“Are you sure it’s okay?” asks Ten, looking pretty unsure about it. 

Johnny smiled, “Yeah, that’s why I said it.”   
  


The night continued to go on and the both of them seemed to forget about the time for awhile after being comfortable with their casual talk. Ten, being the talkative one, was the one who brought out topics for them to talk about.   
  
  
“You are already married right, Johnny?” Ten said out of the blue, completely shocked himself when he did, he doesn’t have any intentions about intriguing his personal life but he can’t help it.  
   
  
Johnny nodded his head, “Yes. I’m already married for three years already.” 

Ten hummed in acknowledgment, “Ah, I see.. I’m sorry for asking about it. It was a personal matter.” 

“No,” Johnny shook his head, “It's okay. I’m glad you asked.”   
  
_  
Glad you asked_ , Ten repeated inside his head. _Why is he glad that he asked?_

  
Just when Ten was about to ask about it, Johnny stood up from his seat and looked at his watch, telling him it’s already 1 AM and they should probably go home. 

  
Johnny offered to give him a ride home but Ten just shook his head and said no, telling him it’s alright. 

Ten slept that night while feeling bothered that he didn’t have the chance to ask Johnny why is he glad that he asked about it. 

  

 

“Good morning, sir. Already here in the office, no iced coffee for today just like what you said to me last night.” said Ten, ending the voice mail once he’s finished.  
  
“I'm already here.”  
  
Ten jumped out of his seat when he heard Johnny’s voice coming from inside his own office room. He didn’t expect that his boss will arrive way earlier than him. This is also a first.   
  
Johnny walked out from his room to greet ten, “Good morning.”   
  
Ten just smiled at him and watched him walk back inside his room. A warm feeling sparked inside him but he just shrugged it off.   
  
_It’s just a simple greeting_ , Ten said to himself. 

 

 

It’s 11 PM again and Johnny went out from his office room late just like what happened last night. Ten isn't surprised anymore, he knew that he will have phone calls again with business partners. The meeting will be held in less than five days, that's why the both of them are occupied with work.   
 

“Coffee?” asked Johnny, looking at Ten as he waits for his answer.

Ten shut his laptop off and looked back at him, “Alright, sir.”   
  


The coffee shop was packed even though it’s late and they definitely didn’t expect it. They tried to search for some table to settle in but found none.   
  
“I guess no coffee tonight.” Johnny said, sighing in defeat as he failed to find some available seats.  
 

“I can make some coffee for us.” 

“What?”   
  


Ten mentally slapped his forehead for saying that out loud again and now, he can’t take it back.   
  
“My place is just near in here… If you don’t mind, we can go there and have coffee..?” offered Ten, looking so unsure about it as he fiddled with the hem of his coat while waiting for Johnny to answer.   
  
“That sounds nice.” 

 

 

“I'm sorry if it’s small. I live alone and this place is enough for me.”   
  


Ten’s apartment is just a few minutes away from the office and the coffee shop. Living alone, he got used of his own place and the small space made him feel not too lonely. Even though it’s small, everything is organised and clean.   
  
Johnny took a seat at the couch, “It's okay. I don’t mind, it actually feel cozy.”   
 

There is this distinct scent inside Ten’s apartment room, it smells like lavender. Just like what Ten smells like everyday. Lavender is his favourite scent.   
  
  
“Here,” Ten put the two coffee mugs at the coffee table just in front of the couch, “I hope I got the right taste of your choice.” 

Johnny took a sip, “Ah, it tastes so good. Thanks for this.”   
  


Ten settled himself at the couch, leaving a good amount of space between him and his boss. They started to talk and shared another loud laugh again after talking about the most random thing possible.   


Ten really thought that the both of them clicked together. They seemed like old colleagues catching up over some coffee at his place and the warm feeling is back again inside him. 

For the first time after a long time, _he didn’t feel lonely and sad inside his small apartment._

 

 

Ten woke up early with one message on his phone. He opened it and jolted up from his bed when he found out where it is from. It’s from Johnny.   
  
Johnny texted him that he’ll pick him up at 8 AM and will give him a ride to the office. 

He looked at the time and said it’s just 6:30 AM. He have enough time to process the text message inside his mind and prepare. 

 _This is weird_ , Ten thought to himself when he felt another rush of warm feeling inside him and he can’t help but to smile. 

  
  


“Good morning, sir. Thank you for picking me up.” greeted Ten, settling himself down beside the driver’s seat.   
  
“We're not in the office yet, drop the formalities.” 

Ten chuckled, “Alright, Johnny.”   
  
“Later, if you can.. can you make some coffee from me? I prefer the coffee that you made rather than the iced coffee this time.” said Johnny, eyes completely on the road.   
  
Ten looked down from the sudden compliment and order, feeling that his cheeks are heating up from it. 

He smiled, “Of course, I can. Alright then, no more iced coffee now.” 

 

 

Ten knocked at the door, holding one coffee mug in his free hand as he waits for Johnny’s answer.   
  
“Come in!”   
  
He opened the door and found Johnny behind his computer screen, sitting at the comfortable computer chair with paperworks on top of his table. He really looks busy and stressed.   
  


“Thank you so much, needed this.” said Johnny, taking a sip at the coffee as soon as he got it from Ten’s hand. 

“You're welcome.” Ten smiled, turning back and walked towards the door to go back into his own place.   


“No.”   


He stopped at his tracks when he heard Johnny’s voice.  
 

“Stay in here for awhile.”   
  


He hesitated to look back, maybe he is talking someone on the phone. But he is very much sure that he didn’t heard any phone ringing.   


“I'm talking to you, Ten. Stay in here for awhile, please.”   


Ten turned around and found Johnny looking at him, “Are you sure it’s okay for me to stay here, sir?” 

“I said what I said, besides I’m taking a break first.” 

 

Johnny told him to take the seat in front of his table for now which he followed. Ten tried his best to stop himself from blushing, he cannot show his flustered face in front of him. _He can’t.._    
  


What happened last night left him bothered until now. There is nothing more happened other than talking but Johnny told him lots of information about himself that night.   
  
He doesn’t know why but Johnny opened up and told him stuff about _how much he reminded him of his wife._ The lavender scent, the coffee, and the way he talks. Johnny also told him that his wife is currently working at a different company.   
  


Ten felt actually happy that he was reminded of something important to him, but at the same time he felt hurt. He already established in his mind that he have no chance with him. 

He’s been already eyeing Johnny for the last few months and he can’t help it. He tried to shrug every warm feeling he got every time he’s with him to keep the professionalism but Johnny isn’t helping him.   


Ten is starting to get scared of his own feelings, _this can’t be._  

 

“Are you okay?” asked Johnny, making Ten snapped out of his thoughts. 

“Ah, yes. I’m okay.” 

“You're spacing out. I was asking about how are you.” 

Ten managed to maintain his calm, “I’m actually alright. How about you?” 

“Tired, I want to go home already or maybe crash into your place and just drink coffee and talk.”   
  


Ten raised his brows and can’t help but to actually feel flustered when he said that.   
  


“W-wow, that sounds fun though.” Ten stuttered. 

Johnny quirked his brow as he looked at Ten, “You're blushing, huh.” 

Ten’s eyes widened as he covered his cheeks, “I'm not!” 

Johnny laughed, “Oh god, you are adorable.” 

 

 _Stop making me want to kiss you_ , Ten thought to himself. 

 

“You want to kiss me?”, asked Johnny and silence enveloped the two of them inside the office room, making Ten feel suffocated. 

 

“Did I just said that out loud..” 

 

“Yes, you did.”   
  


Ten wants to run away but he can’t move. He’s too embarrassed to even move and walk out. He can’t believe that he really said that out loud and now Johnny is looking at him with a smirk on his face.   
  


Johnny stood up from his chair and walked in front of Ten as he loosen up his tie, running his hand on his hair. 

Ten feels so sexually frustrated right now with Johnny doing those. _This is too dangerous_ , he wants to attack Johnny and straddle him. He wants to kiss him so bad. He wants to run his fingers through Johnny's hair and pull it. He wants to tell him how bad he wants him.   
  


“Then kiss me.”   
  


Ten didn't waste any minute to think as he jolted up, crashing his warm lips into Johnny’s soft ones. His arms snaked around the taller’s neck, pulling him down so he can kiss him deeper. 

Johnny took it as a signal for him to carry Ten, lifting him by his thighs as wrapped Ten’s leg around his waist before settling his hands on the younger’s butt, giving it a light squeeze. 

Ten gasped at the sudden contact, he tilted his head back as Johnny peppered his neck with butterfly kisses and occasionally sucking it which will probably leave marks. Short gasps started to leave Ten's sinful lips as he feels the touches and kisses from the older one.   
  


“We will continue this later, babe. Back to work.” said Johnny as he rests his forehead on top of Ten’s while smirking, giving him one last peck on the lips. 

 

 

Ten looked at himself of the mirror inside of the restroom. He is still in the state of bliss, he can still feel Johnny’s kisses on his neck and his lips. 

He tilted his head and found out that there were tiny reddish marks.

“What the fuck just happened,” Ten whispered to himself as he ran his thumb over the marks. 

 

 

11 PM and the both of them are both being a mess inside Johnny’s car. Ten is currently on top of Johnny, straddling him as he let Johnny give trails of kisses on his neck and shoulder. 

His coat and polo was long discarded as soon as they enter the car. Johnny’s kisses went from his neck, to his shoulder, and now to his chest. 

Ten shivered at the sensation he is currently feeling. He let his eyes shut and his mouth agape at the pleasure of the light kisses.   
  


“You are so beautiful,” Johnny complimented and Ten can’t help but to blush at it. 

“Please,” Ten begged quietly, “Send us to my place already..” 

 

 

Sweaty bodies and tangled legs under the thick sheet of blanket, the both of them are currently cuddling after making love. Both are panting and exhausted, but both are still feeling in a state of haze. 

Ten feels so intoxicated with Johnny. He doesn’t want this night to end. He wants to keep Johnny with him until the end, but he knows that this happiness is just a temporary feeling. 

 

 

Weeks passed by and the cycle goes on. Johnny picking him up from his place at 8 AM and drive him to work, Ten making coffee and ending up having a make out session inside Johnny’s office, and sometimes crashing into Ten’s place when both men are feeling needy and sexually frustrated. 

It is wrong, _so wrong_ , and Ten is aware of that. But his heart is aching for him so bad. For the first time after a very long time, he feels being taking cared of and important. He literally feels genuine happiness and warmth inside whenever he’s with Johnny.   
  
  
Johnny feels like _home_ , the kind of cozy home and he doesn't want to go back to his own home. He wants to stay inside Johnny's arm and let him say sweet nothings to him after having a rough night of making love. He wants to rest himself on Johnny's chest as he sleep, temporarily forgetting about him going back to his own home. 

Johnny feels like the _coffee_ that he always make. He feels the warmth that makes him want to stay, that kind of warmth that can calm him, and the kind of warmth that tells him that everything will be okay as long as he have Johnny.   
  


Ten doesn’t want to fall any deeper but he is already trapped and he is drowning with his feelings now. He is drowning and he doesn’t know how to swim. He want to get out, but at the same time he still want to stay.  
  


He wants to talk about this with Johnny, but how.  Johnny is still his boss, he doesn’t even know if Johnny actually consider him as his close friend or other than his "personal secretary" that he can talk whenever he wants to. He is still his superior and he doesn’t have the authority to ask him.  
  


It’s always like this. Ten always end up eating his own feelings and swallowing his tears, keeping his questions inside. He is scared to know the truth, the truth that is very obvious.

_The truth that he will never have Johnny no matter how badly he wants._

 

 

“When will you come back in here?” asked Ten as he looked at Johnny who is currently fixing his tie after spending another night at his place.   
  


“I’m sorry, I don’t know when.” Johnny looked at him apologetically.   
  


Ten sighed, “I'll miss you.”   
  


“I’ll miss you too, you know that. I will be back for sure.”   
  


Ten bit his lip as he tried his best not to cry, “Congrats on your wife’s promotion. Enjoy your trip with her.”   
  


Ten watched him leave his apartment and as soon as the door shut, the tears fell down and he can’t stop it. His heart is shattering again and he can’t do anything about it but to let it be broken.   
  
  
  


Ten just wanted Johnny to love him back but Johnny doesn’t think that way. 

 

At the end of the day, he will come back to his own wife and leave him alone with a broken heart inside his small apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> i do not agree with the thought of cheating , i am against cheating. this is PURELY based on imagination only. pardon me for the mistakes. thank you for reading it.


End file.
